Dick Cheney Cancelled On Me

Hey there beloved fans of the fastball up and in. I got some bad news. Originally I had planned to do a piece where I interviewed Dick Cheney, but, wouldn't you know it, his people called my people this morning and canned the whole thing--something about other business and it being more important. Man...forget that. I told them that nothing was more important than my quesolitos. They just hung up. Stinking Dick Cheney.

Anyway. I had this great interview all worked up. I was going to ask him everything that the american public really wants to know about him too. Stuff that everyone would give anything to get a straight answer on. Stuff like:

* Is it true that you're a cyborg?

* How are you adapting to your new pig liver?

* Can you locate Iowa on a map without labels?

* I am thinking of a number between one and twenty, what is it?

I mean, this was the hard-hitting interview that most people really want. Not just some meet the press softball crap, but real life issues that affect us right here at home. Stuff like:

* What is your favorite Outkast song?

*Do you think you could take Donald Rumsfeld in a cage match? What if you were both in diapers?

* Terror Shmerror...who ya got in the superbowl.

Well, all of these crucial issues will forever be lost because some other stuff got in the way...it was "more important." Something about a "nation to run." Horsecrap--you're the vice president, you don't actually do anything bigshot. You're like the open baking soda in the fridge--You don't really do anything other than absorb the odor of the place...and now you stink. He acts all high and mighty, but really he's just mad 'cause he's second place. Anyway. Whatever.

Oh well. Whaddaryagonnado?

God save the Cheese.