Babies-R-Us and Fisticuffs

Hola quesolitos. Life ain't so bad, y'know.

Well, the most incredible woman in the world and I registered our bouncing baby boy to be at everyone's favorite commercial exploitation of expectant mothers and fathers...Babies-R-Us. Now let me explain that this is not simply a fun time with a scanner gun and all the toys you wish you had but never did. In brief...that is the first three minutes. After that it is all about sizes--everything on this planet comes in staged sizes 0 - 1 - 2 - 3 (diapers, pacifiers, onesies, bottles, bibs, spoons, bowls...everything). And after the second hour, as I found myself meaasuring the pros and cons between three of the eight (no lie!) different bottle brushes, I knew that I was not ready.

No really, I couldn't do three and a half hours of registry without being decimated in spirit and body...what makes me think I can go a lifetime with my kid.

Maybe, I will care more about it than bottle brushes, but it is still a decent question.

Either way, I will say that I made sure not to register for hardly any crap that makes noise or sings or can get real annoying. So if you buy me some loud obnoxious toy, just know, it will be burned...with a small doll made of hair that resembles you. I am not afraid to go santeria on you.

Well, I survived and I am actually really excited. (Cue cheesy music for stupid dad-to-be story)

The other day, Cooper and I got into our first fight. See, he was kicking really hard inside the most incredible woman in the world and she grabbed my hand and said, "Feel this." So I put my hand on her stomach and he wailed on me. Naturally I pushed back--just a small light jab. He kicked again. I jabbed. He kicked again. This was amazing. Jab. Kick. Jab. Kick kick. Jab jab. Kick. I was scrapping with my unborn boy. Here I was reveling in our fisticuffs--jab, kick, jab, kick--when the most incredible woman in the world says, "Guys! I'm a person. It's me that is getting kicked and jabbed. Cut it out."

It is amazing the things you become oblivious to when you are fascinated by something.

Okay, enough kid talk. Have a great day.

God save the Cheese.