Fox Sports (Why We Get What We Get)

I know...I know...but this has been the third busiest week of my life. The first one I ended up married, the second one I received a graduate degree, and who knows what I will get for this one--probably a swift kick in the rear...those are free! So how about some high heat!

Have I told you all how much I hate Fox Sports? Well, I hate them. I think that they are ruining what is left of America's game. Sure, they pretty much turn everything they touch into solid turd, but what they are doing to baseball should be illegal. This rage is not just because the NL lost again (although that did hurt). This rage is because Fox is ruining baseball for all of us.

First, one could have a problem with Jeanne Zalasko, period. On top of the torture of having to deal with Jeanne, we have to deal with her cutting off their featured guest, Ernie Harwell, Mr. Baseball! They do this piece on him as this expert of the ages, bring him in the shot, and ask him to share some pearls of wisdom. No lie: four seconds into his comment she cuts him off so that she can introduce the ultra-crappy intro video/metaphorical pit-stain with Smokey Robinson. Smokey Robinson??? I have thought about this and have come to the conclusion that they must have known how weird that was. You could not get more randomly jarring than a cutaway to Smokey Robinson. When Smokey Sings...Ernie Harwell has a warm glass of shut your sloppy mouth.

They did a fine job selecting Brian McKnight for the national anthem, but really dropped the ball when they chose to go with the Winans for that stellar rendition of God Bless America in the seventh. It was so bad that after hearing us ask like that, he won't. Really, did you notice that Brian--one man--sang the national anthem a capella, but the Winans trooped out twelve people with bad hair and require a jacked-up organ track with apparently free tempo. Gospel music took another giant step for nutballs backwards in the eyes of most of America (myself included).

We didn't make it out of the first before Fox decided to humiliate all that baseball stands for by giving us an appearance by "Scooter" the puppety cartoon baseball who tells us about the game--usually about pitches and what they do once they leave the pitcher's hand (something as helpful as, "They call me a curve ball, because I beeeend and cuuurve my way to the plate." Thanks Scooter, no one figured that out til you helped.). "It's really cute and really terrific," David Hill, the FOX Sports Television chairman and chief executive officer. He made Scooter. I hate him.

Another interesting move by Fox was that they opted to wow the sports viewing world with their newest gadgetry--the Diamond Cam! Basically, the diamond cam provides you with a lo-fi crotch shot of the pitcher falling off the mound in his followthrough. Thanks Fox. That is what I was missing. That and the laser sounds when the score changes...oh! You got those too! Great!

Sure the list could go on and on--McCarver's Gershwin ode to Dontrell Willis, McCarver in general, Joe Buck's Eminem impression, the decision to have Alter Bridge play anything, the decision to have Piazza and Damon join them on stage and just kind of look awkward as they sort of "jammed out" playing air guitar and randomly smacking a cymbal with a finger, etc.

[As a side note: Did you notice how quickly the Mets crushed the career of one of the game's most prolific catchers ever? I mean, Piazza went from being the king of LA and God's gift to baseball to being traded to the Mets, and the first thing anyone said was, "Is this guy gay?" No lie. That, my friends is the power of the Mets suck. I digress.]

A question: was the game really this bad that they couldn't just call the game?

I have to be honest though and say that I don't think that they could just call the game. They couldn't because then America wouldn't know what to do. Do you know why I say that? I say that because I am mad at America. You see, the leading vote-getter in the Allstar Game was a Designated Hitter--not even a position player! Not even a regular position player. Sure I like Ortiz, but he's a fat guy with a monster bat, not a really good baseball player...certainly not the best in the game! America, be ashamed of yourselves. Don't you realize that you ask for this crap from Fox when you do things like that? I think they should have cancelled the game once they tallied the votes, "No! You all knew better than that. You don't get to see the game until you value it more than that. Treat it with respect and we'll have the game. I hope you think about this and make better decisions next time." That's what they should have done.

Thanks Fox Sports for another great game.