The Beggar's Sketchbook

Today is a great day for fastballs! The High Cheese is humming today. Everyone may get a shot at the plate, but not everyone is going to make contact. Get the bats off your shoulders people, the queso means business.

The most incredible woman in the world and I just got back from the nation's capitol. So much was seen and done in two days. Expect to hear very much about this as the next few days progress.

It is the supreme desire of the High Cheese to include real photos from our trip, so that you may live vicariously through us. Iknow...I know..."But I went there on my high school trip." Well some of us aren't so lucky, so deal with it.

As an appetizer, let me address a crucial topic regarding Washington D.C.: Beggars. Now, those of you who went with your groups in school, I am quite positive remember this massive subculture (as well as that oh-so-humanitarian-advice: don't give them anything, don't look at them--as if looking at them would turn you to stone; they are homeless, not medusa. anyway). Well, I saw many beggars, but some were more successful than others. I have categorized them for your convenience:

1. The classic Jazz beggar - this is the street-corner improvizationalist with a rudimentary knowledge of a horn, a strong toe-tap, and as much charisma as a homeless man can have. Typical songs include classic numbers like "Oh When the Saints Go Marching In," or "Hello Dolly." He wil make a good pull each day, especially if he can master a fedora tipping thank you for all those who contribute.

2. The child-care provider beggar - This beggar generally has a child with him as he hits you up for a meal. The danger for this baggar is choosing the wrong child to pair up with. Inevitably some end up with a child who appears to be well-groomed and cared for, wearing throwback jerseys and ballcaps, and sometimes a little bling. This will hurt the overall pull for the day greatly.

3. The shaking-cup beggar - This beggar is the least frequently given to. His method is to sit in one place, look distraught and randomly shake his change cup as people walk by, in hopes that others will contribute to his noise-maker. This can work okay, not wonderfully, but unfortunately, everyone I saw was next to a classic jazz beggar. Naturally people felt that the jazz artist was helping society more than the cup shaker, and gave to the jazz beggar over the cup-shaker beggar everytime. It is a hard life for those without a real talent.

4. The non-traditional musician beggar - I actually saw a homeless man playing a flute. Yeah a flute. He was actually pretty good. he did all the patriotic classics. He was a terror for all other beggarss on the street. They must hate his very soul. He made an easy ten-share on their pull. He had green coming out of his ears, and all they could do was look at, him shake their head, and shake their cup. He needs to be careful or he will be put in place by someone whose talents are not music, but fisticuffs.

There are many others--the subway beggar, the guitar beggar, the drummer beggar, the nude in a fountain beggar, the manequin beggar, etc. All are out there just trying to get by. A word to the wise: you can look at them (except the fountain guy, look away from him). You can smile at them. You can say no still and they won't be angry. Because they beg for a living, they often go days without someone looking at them or smiling at them. Do this and they may actually feel human for a moment. Who knows.

Take care. God save the cheese.