Public Service Announcement: Safehouses

Alas adoring public, the cheese returns! What a day!

After some long and hard thinking, I figured I ought to stick what I do best and most frequently. If you get to know me, like my brother, the Eskimobot, I spend a good deal of time in gastro-intestinal discomfort. As a result, I have over the course of a lifetime grown a reckless abandon when it comes to public restrooms. Honestly, I am fully aware of all of the various risks that come with this particular brand of fearlessness mixed with desperation. Still, I am helpful to others with my vast knowledge of where to find clean restrooms, or as I like to call them, "safe houses."

The feeling I have can only be likened, in my own mind, to knowing the cure for some awful disease, like the trots for instance, but not sharing it. So as a public favor I will share my knowledge for the greater good.



Location: Bed, Bath, and Beyond

City: Deptford, NJ

Cleanliness: Spotless. Well maintained. But what do you expect from a place with Bath in the title of the store?

Supply Level: Always stocked more than abundantly. There is usually a pile of still-in-the-
wrapper can-paper on a shelf opposite the stalls.

Structural Fortitude: Supreme integrity. Although they opted for the classic beige-colored aluminium stalls with chrome finish, it is very sturdy due to low traffic levels.

Capacity: With one standard stall, one handicapped stall, two urinals, and two sinks, this is more than ready to handle the customer flow of this retail store.

Graffiti: None.

Ammenities: Baby Changing Station (even in the men's room, hear you!), blower/towel option. Toilet Seat Covers: Provided, but the one negative comment here is that they put the dispenser
outside of the stalls, so you kind of have to announce your business up front to everyone in the room by walking to the sink wall, grabbing a seat cover, and then proceeding to the stall. This is not horrible, because we all know why you're there anyway. To overcome this design flaw I recommend a bold gaze and a triumphant stride (eye contact and a small smirk also help).

Comments: Everytime I use this hidden jewel I feel a renewed confidence in the goodness of man.
Overall Grade: A

So next time you're in a bind, find the Bed, Bath, and Beyond. The can is usually to the right of the main entry door, near customer service and registries.

I know...I know...You're all welcome.