Had-a-snail

Okay, so I got the most wonderful woman in the world an aquarium for her birthday. Things are going great, most of the fish are happy (excepting the two who are dead now), and life is good. And then one day, out of nowhere...a snail. He was little, but still a snail. Hmmmm...I thought to myself..."How'd that little fella get in there." After a brief thought, I went on with my day.

The next morning, there were two more little fellas. Uh-oh.

I asked some friends who informed me that snails are asexual and can reproduce quickly and without a partner. I became alarmed.

"Yeah we had one try to take over our tank a few months back," a friend chortled.

Take over!!! I thought to myself.

So I went and bought this product called HAD-A-SNAIL. It was six dollars. The salesperson chuckled as he gave it to me. The cashier rang it up normally. I get home to use it and begin to open the package. I turn it over to figure out how much to use and find the right paragraph (50 drops...who counts 50 drops!? Surely that equals a teaspoon or something. Anyway. So I make a small mess getting the drops right, and then I see the papa snail crawl out and he was sizeable. So I reach in and grab the son of a gun. Ha! Out he went and I walked away feeling proud.

As I am repackaging the product I look at the box and below the directions is a paragraph on the dangers of this product. Of course swallowing it was bad for you, but so was exposure to the skin. Having just reached into my tank, I became alarmed. I read on, and here was the recommended treatment as typed directly onto the packaging:

If on skin:

• Take off contaminated clothing
• Rinse skin immediately with plenty of water for 15-20 minutes.
• Call poison control center or doctor for treatment advice.

Yeah, I thought it was a bit alarmist as well. I have taken off the contaminated clothing (a golf shirt that dipped into the water as my arm was in the tank. Also, I flushed with plenty of water for fifteen minutes. I have yet to call the poison control center, but may give it a shot in a moment.

If my arm rots off, that may hurt my budding mmusic career.

Well, pray for me. God save the cheese.