Everyone's Favorite Game: What's That Smell?

Welcome one and all to the greatest place on earth. Everyone gets their fill of a great time here at the cheese factory. Unfortunately I will not be signing autographs today.

So the NBA finals wrapped up. I don't necessarily have much to say about it, but seeing as how it is relatively major sports news I should probably at least wave a passing hello to it......hello (said with a wave while passing). I can admit that the worst news that I received this week was that the NBA was coming back next season and not having a lock out. Bummer (Sorry Josh, not all of us can be like you...Look at me, I'm like 6 foot 10 and can dunk on anyone. I love basketball. I love Hubie Brown... --actually, I do love Hubie Brown). For a real laugh-out-loud explanation of how I see the NBA finals, go to my cousin's blog. He nailed it. It's also, coincidentally, the second time he has ever been right about anything (a treat in itself).

Anyways, on to real sports news. Who's watching the championships at Wimbledon? Honestly, ESPN is doing a really good job covering this one. I hope you all are as intrigued as I am (What's that? You all have real lives with real jobs and can't watch TV from 7am to 3pm? Oh...). Nevertheless, just know that it has been good. Take my word for it.

So while the most incredible woman in the world and I travelled across the country, I forgot that I had tossed an aging watermelon into the trash can just before we left. We asked our neighbors to water our newly planted grass and take out our trash. They watered our newly planted grass. So after a week of getting just flat out roasted in the South Jersey sun, the stink from our trash can could literally hit your gag reflex from across the street. This is a confession and a formal apology to the poor soul whose lot in life it was to empty our trash can this week. Taking that lid off ruined his day, I know it. The whoosh of air pulling into his face. The hot garbage smell being completely obliterated by the sour rottenness of skanked out baked watermelon rot (I believe you have just seen history in the making; I would bet that no one has ever written the words "skanked out baked watermelon rot" together before now.). I am sorry that you were owned by that smell, there in the street in front of everyone watching.

Finally, speaking of foul smells, is there anything worse than locking a hot fart up in the car? I can't stand it when I am driving somewhere and then fart in the car right before I get out (I literally get angry at myself for not waiting to fart once I was outside). But then, what are you gonna do? Stand there and let it dissipate. No. You lie to yourself--It will be gone when I get back. Wrong. It will incubate until you get back. It will take over your car, set up a command center, invite some buddies over, and then lie in wait for you to open that door and it will punish you with its now-warm sticky pungence. My all-time favorite is when I forget that I have done this and someone else is getting in the car as well. What do you say? "Oh jeez...the A/C is so musty." To which they astutely and, I believe, knowingly reply, "Is the car on yet?" Jerks. They know. They have to know. Just go along with it.

You all know the rules by now. Play accordingly. I love you all.