Question of the Day

So, if the debate is constantly Beatles vs. Stones.vs Elvis, how come there are Beatles impersonators and Elvis impersonators, but not many Stones impersonators?

You would figure there would be more.

MorganStanley Does Not Rock

So we are visiting friends in New Jersey, hence, my quesolitos, I have not been writing as frequently as perhaps I should be. Sorry about that. I will try harder to get more frequent updates.

Last night I watched a Beatles cover band called Beatlemania Now! They were actually pretty talented guys. Good solid show. Fine set list. Normally I heckle at these sorts of events calling out songs that no Beatles cover band would bother learning (i.e. Piggies, I Dig a Pony, Glass Onion), but this band was better than that.

What wasn't right was the way that the concert sponsors, MorganStanley, had elite seats at a free show in the park. It doesn't bother me necessarily that the sponsor had a nice box of seats, it bothers me that they fenced off their boxed seats from the rest of us with a barrier that ran all the way to the front of the stage and all the way accross the front of the stage. This would have been okay if their seats weren't twenty feet from the stage. Needless to say, the MorganStanley investment geeks neveer got out of their seats. By the end, the masses had broken through and the band came alive, but this was litterally for the last song and the encore.

Thank you Morgan Stanley. You may be great with a portfolio, but you sure know how to suck the life out of what could have been a great concert.

God save the Cheese.

Question of the Day?

Ladies, when was the last time someone brought you flowers?

Guys, when was the last time you brought someone flowers?

Hey guess what?!?

I just thought you would all like to know that the most incredible woman in the world and I...

are PREGNANT!!!

Actually, she is the one who is pregnant...but I helped her get that way! We are super excited about this, so I couldn't wait to let you all know.

Actually, I lied. I could wait. As a matter of fact, we are now working on eleven weeks of this (most of the way through the first trimester) but we wanted to get the first doctor's visit out of the way before we made the official announcement.

Here is what can be expected from this point:

Week 14 - we get our first ultrasound and get to hear the heartbeat.
Week 18 - we get our second ultrasound and get to find out the gender of our progeny.

That will suffice for now.

What's that? Do we have names picked out? Why yes we do:

Boy: Cooper James

Girl: Hannah Jean

So there you go. For now of course, we are calling the baby "lil pea." This is a direct step from the most incredible woman in the world who is known around these parts as the Sweetest Pea (which has developed nicely into the Swedish Pea, or Swedish, and not so nicely into her least favorite, the crusty old swede).

What? The most incredible woman in the world? She's pretty good, just battling daily nausea and fatigue. She is a trooper though and hardly complains at all.

Well, this is our big news, so expect to be tracking this story for a few more months.

God save the Cheese, and his amazing wife, and the lil pea.

World Cup Fever

Hola Quesolitos! Happy monday!

Okay, so every moment I get I am watching the world cup. So far I have DVR-ed every game and watched it. I was crushed yesterday as a Russian ref tied the record handing out 16 yellow cards in one game, yet inexplicably swallowed his whistle twice when the dutch strikers were fouled inside the penalty box. Surely he figured that he did not want to influence the game's outcome, but when you call everything and then don't make obvious calls in the box you still influence the game's outcome...even more so.

Well, the Dutch lost and so goes another world cup for the High Cheese. I blame my uncle for my affection for the Dutch team. Oh well, things could be worse--you could be a portugal fan who will have to watch your team battle england with only nine guys on the field (once again thanks to the Russian ref who, as James put it, "will be lucky to get a job calling PAL soccer in Kokomo, IN" after this debacle).

As a salute to the Dutch, here is a logo to appreciate:

God save the Cheese.

Stop the Presses - Ozzie Guillen said something offensive.

Thanks to my friend Aubrey for passing this gem onto me.

Check out this short article about Ozzie Guillen's use of the word "fag." Aubrey and I have decided that the last sentence is unbelievably funny. Read it in context though, don't just jump down and read it first.

_______________________________________________________

Guillen calls columnist Mariotti homosexual slur

ESPN.com news services

On Tuesday to reporters, White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen referred to Chicago Sun-Times columnist and Around the Horn contributor Jay Mariotti as a derogatory name for a homosexual.

Angry with a recent column by Mariotti critical of Guillen's handling of recently demoted relief pitcher Sean Tracey and upset with Mariotti with columns of the past, Guillen said to reporters when referring to Mariotti before Tuesday's game with the Cardinals, "What a piece of [expletive] he is, [expletive] fag."

Mariotti was covering the NBA Finals Tuesday night and was not present to hear what Guillen said.

Columnist Greg Couch of the Sun-Times wrote a column Wednesday in response, calling for commissioner Bud Selig to suspend Guillen for his use of a "hurtful homophobic" term.

Before writing the column, Couch asked Guillen for an explanation. Guillen defended his use of the term "fag" by saying this about homosexuals and the use of the word in question: "I don't have anything against those people. In my country, you call someone something like that and it is not the same as it is in this country.''

Guillen said that in his native Venezuela, that word is not a reference to a person's sexuality, but to his courage. He said he was saying that Mariotti is "not man enough to meet me and talk about [things before writing].''

Guillen also told Couch that he has gay friends, attends WNBA games, went to a Madonna concert and plans to go to the Gay Games in Chicago.


__________________________________________________________

Now this is classic, because we all know that only homosexuals attend WNBA games and Madonna concerts. Sweet stereotyping Ozzie. This is why this guy is the hottest thing since liberace.

God save the cheese.

Question of the Day

When you first meet someone and you want to get to know them more, what are the first three questions you usually ask?

TV, Tennis, Twins, and that weird baby fred from those commercials...

Boy howdy, quesolitos! We are back from our trip to Kentucky and feeling better than ever after today...more on that in a moment under #2. I hope this finds everyone feeling good and happy to be alive. If not...try feeling good and happy to be alive, it might get you there.

Well, in my time away I have been thinking and mulling some things over with some friends, and these are the results:

1. One of the weirdest concepts for a show that has ever made it is the show Small Wonder, with that robot daughter Vicki who talked like a droid and could lift the couch to vaccuum under it, and who had a grandmal seizure with some sparks whenever she malfunctioned. That was creepy. The Carney and I concur on this.

2. I played tennis today for almost three hours. The truth is that over nine months off hasn't really hurt my game. This means that I am either a born prodigy with immense god given talent (my choice), or I have never been that good no matter how hard I work to get better. You can decide for yourselves.

3. I am an uncle. The twins have been delivered and now find themselves the bearers of fallenness in a sinful and chaotic world. How nice. Oh yeah, if you are counting, that means that the miracle of birth has just occured for the 80 billionth time.

4. Global warming is definitely real.

5. I have a goatee right now. Kelly won't touch me. This is the last day I will have a goatee.

6. The prime rib sammich at Quiznos is as good as it should.

7. Check out the song: "Like a Friend" by Pulp. It's a few years old, but well worth it. If you don't know, now you know.


Well, that should get you through the night. God save the Cheese.

Welcome to June 9, 2006!

Okay quesolitos, this is a big day and we are just getting started. June 9th:

1. This morning is the first golf outing of the year for the Cheese. The goal is not to play well. The goal is simply to complete the round without cursing at myself or others. If I get this done, I win, no matter what the scorecard says.

2. The World Cup begins today! Orange Crush all the way.

3. It's link of the week time, boys and girls. Another classic:

Happy Fun Ball

I'll update you on the golf later. Enjoy your friday!

God save the Cheese.

Question of the Day

Who's more grizzled?

Willie Nelson







-or-


Admiral James Stockdale

Who's More Grizzled?

Much love to all the quesolitos out there. Well, thursday is upon us and I found myself at the office at 6:45 this morning in an attempt to get everything accomplished early and spend most of the day with my wife, the oft referenced most incredible woman in the world. It will happen, because I will it to happen.

Well, this week has hastened some wonderful things to my memory:

...Like that time my pants decentegrated on stage in front of about 700 people...

...or that time I fell flat on my face in front of 40 college coeds who all mercilessly laughed...

But these simply do not compare to the sublime memory of the SNL classic skit, "Who's More Grizzled?"





Jim Greer.....Norm MacDonald
Wayne....Robert Duvall
Tate Mitchum.....Garth Brooks
Prize Keeper.....Jim Breuer


Jim Greer: Hello, everyone! I'm Jim Greer, and it's time once again for "Who's More Grizzled?" the game show that finds out who is the roughest, toughest, most hardbitten old-timer around, so let's bring out our contestants. He is our returning champion.. [ audience applauds as Wayne enters ] Yes, you have some fans in the audience, Wayne. You are a former sharecropper and a World War II veteran who hails rom Adler, Mississippi. So, what are you up to these days, Wayne?

Wayne: I mostly been huntin' and whittlin'.

Jim Greer: Well, that is great. Now, let's meet your opponent, he worked on an offshore oil rig until he broke his back, now he is a prospector. Please welcome Tate Mitchum! [ Tate walks out ] Welcome, Tate, and it looks like Wayne has his work cut our for him, because you, sir, are extremely grizzled!

Tate Mitchum: [ stares ] I don't much care for you.

Jim Greer: A lot of people don't - save it for the game! Let's get started. The categories are: "War", "Hard Times", "Bear Attacks", "Ailments", "Dead Wives", and finally "Coal Mining". And, Wayne, as the returning champion, you pick first.


Wayne: I don't much cotton to these computers today.

Jim Greer: You are good! As always, I'll pick for you. Let's try "Ailments". The question is: "How things treatin' ya?"

Wayne: I can't complain. My leg hurts, it means it's bound to rain. Wish them doctors at the VA could get that shrapnel out of my shoulder.

Jim Greer: That is correct! And, my, you are grizzled. It's still your board, Wayne.

Wayne: A lot of people don't know I was the first man to get a team of horses up Bear Mountain!

Jim Greer: [ pause ] Let's go with "War!" The question is: "Grandpa, tell me a story." [ Tate buzzes in ] Tate!

Tate Mitchum: I was separated from our unit, came across a bunch of Germans asleep a field. Bayonetted every last one of them! Didn't find out 'til later the war had been over for a week.

Jim Greer: Very nice, Tate!

Tate Mitchum: When I was your age, I didn't call my seniors by their Christian name!

Jim Greer: Well, I'm sorry, sir.

Tate Mitchum: Keep it, boy, I'll take a strap to ya!

Jim Greer: I wish I could give you points for that grizzled exchange, but I can't. Let's go to "Dead Wives". The question is: "Life's hard, isn't it?"

Wayne: Darn right it is, Sonny! I lost Adeline in childbirth 40 years ago! Every Spring, when the dogwoods bloom and the posies take a first step, I think of the way she.. [ buzzer ]

Jim Greer: I'm sorry, that's wrong. No, no that wasn't grizzled, that was wistful. [ Tate buzzes in ] Mr. Mitchum, you can take a commanding lead here!

Tate Mitchum: I've buried wives, but a father should never bury a son. It was the flood of '52, we were all caught on the levee, but.. I don't want to talk about this no more.

Wayne: Yes! Yes, that is the answer! Well, now, you know what time it is? It's time for the Grizzled Speed Round! This is your chance to catch up, Wayne. One minute, $200 a question, let's begin. Money! [ Wayne buzzes in ]

Wayne: I don't believe in banks, I keep my earnings in a coffee can!

Jim Greer: Correct! Government! [ Tate buzzes in ] Mr. Mitchum!

Tate Mitchum: They oughtta keep their noses out of people's business!

Jim Greer: That's right! Higher Education! [ Wayne buzzes in ] Wayne!

Wayne: Never had much cause for book larnin'!

Jim Greer: Yes! Immigration! [ Tate buzzes in ] Mr. Mitchum!

Tate Mitchum: Got a strong back, we can use you!

Jim Greer: Correct! Religion! [ Wayne buzzes in ] Wayne!

Wayne: The day I set foot on that beach in Normandy, I never wished more that there was a god in heaven, and I was never more certain that they wasn't.

Tate Mitchum: Jeez... you are grizzled..

Jim Greer: We have a winner, and still champion - Wayne Little! Wayne, let's take a look and see what you've won!

Prize Keeper: You have won some salted meats and a bottle of Rebel Yell!

Jim Greer: Thank you both for playing, and, Wayne, enjoy your prizes!

Wayne: No, no, I don't need your charity, they ain't no such thing as a free lunch where I come from! Now, if you'll excuse, I got osme work to do. [ exits ]

Tate Mitchum: I'll be waiting for you after the show!

Jim Greer: Okay, that's all the time we have! Thanks for joining us on "Who's More Grizzled?"


________

Now tell me that wasn't fun!

God save the Cheese.

Question of the Day

Would you rather live outside of the US? If so, where would you rather live?

Bad Taste Strikes Again

So here I am at work, little cheese-buddies, and I realize that this day is going to be one of those days where the workload is normal, the distrqactions are minimal, but for some reason, getting into gear is not happening and that means that I will be here for longer than it should take to get it done. Oh well, that's how it goes. So what do I do to get motivated and get to work? That's right, I update for y'all. Lucky Dogs.

Well, chalk another casualty up for contemporary R&B and Rap. As a category they have single handedly dismantled and destroyed more quality songs than any other genre--heck, more than aall the other genres combined. I mean, of course there are the major mistakes, like "Every Move You Make"--a great song about stalking by the Police, or a really crappy and underwhelming goodbye rap for Biggy Smalls by his buddy then named Sean Puffy Combs. Sometimes I feel like Mugato being the only person who notices that Derek Zoolander has only one look, but I will try again: Am I the only person who thinks that Sean Combs, aka Puffy, aka Puff Daddy, aka P Diddy, aka Diddy doesn't rap that well. It seems he lacks talent as well as a consistent name.

Well, the latest victim is the song "One" by U2. And like Sting before them, they aparently conspired against themselves and helped Mary J. Blige ruin their song. Now, MJ is talented, but let's face it. We have all sang that soulful version of One in the shower of a morning. I was not wowed. I was angry.

Thanks for a great start to the day contemporary R&B/Rap. You are second only to MTV when it comes to those most likely to bring about the end of music altogether.

God save the Cheese...and turn up the Ramones.

Question of the Day

If you found out you had one week left to live, what four things would you make sure and do before you died?

Welcome (back) to Moe's!

Hey there beloved readers and welcome to your new week--everyone together now: Yeah! Well, this weeks finds me once again singing the praises of the blessed Monday. Well, actually, I am happy this monday beacuse of what occured on Saturday.

WE FOUND A MOE'S!!!

Now, some of you may be wondering what in the world that means, but those of you who have been to Moe's already know. And if you don't know...now you know. Moe's Southwest Grill specailizes in burritoes the size of small children that are packed with anything and everything you could ever want in a burrito. They are made fresh, wrapped with love, and the salsa bar puts it all over the top.

It only takes twenty minutes to get to the one near me, but this is well worth it.

But of course, I will be paying for more gas than I would without it existing.

My advice to you, dear dear readers, is to find a MOE's near you and go experience the joy that lasts til monday. Use the Moe's finder on their website!

MOE'S SOUTHWEST GRILL

You know what I say: I'll have a homewrecker with pinto beans and steak please. I would like everything on it, as well as some cilantro and some fresh chopped peppers. Thanks. Oh yeah, and a regular sweet tea with that. Yeah. Thanks.

I have talked myself into going back today.

God save the Cheese...and his big burrito.

Question of the Day

Would you eat a raw piece of opossum meat for $200?

If not, how much would it take?

Single of the Week and Link of the Week (or...more than you bargained for!)

Hola quesolitos. What a day! Friday has come and it will solve all of our problems, now won't it. So just sit back, act like you are working, and ride the clock a little longer--it's that much closer to quitting time.Although, it may be that for one of you, it's actually quitting time right now and you should probably go tell your boss what you think about your job and walk out. Remeber, there is no time like the present.

Congrats to Muse for coming out with a new single: Supermassive Black Hole. If you don't know, now you know. Don't complain that it doesn't sound like Muse, just feel the vibe until it hits you deep in the pit of your belly that this is certainly Muse and you are ashamed for thinking otherwise.

Well, like most Friday's around here, I owe you the link of the week. So, here goes:

Base Jumping!

Go Gettem Tigers!

God Save the Cheese.